08 September 2011

Wind rushing through my hair
inspires dreams of exploration
squinting into future travels
with difficulty in current storms

my soul as parched as the sand
surrounding these sapphire seas
inner turmoil continues this drought

my past haunts even as I am
propelled into new forms of paradise
the sail of youth flies high
as inevitable age reveals experience
beyond years known to most

my eyes are tired
as strained as my weathered skin
ready to wrinkle
with sorrow -- yet
craving laugh lines
glimpses into parallel paths

crumbling sand carries my feet
beyond the coast line
wobbling bottles reminisce
surreal dreams

dances under the moon as tide
rose among shells and toes
marathons under evergreens
traipsing into late night outhouses
salmon berry fuzz
wiping away regrets under Orion's belt

distracted by french chatter
washed off in salty waters
my soul is flipping over white caps
tossing around kelp forests
catching the edge of rusted Titanics

time has followed orient spices
past the gaze of mother's love
below the reach of blue fish fins
flown to white sand comfort
turquoise fresco's of childhood
shattered by futuristic palms

24 August 2011

20 August 2011

Inspired by young girls aided by Door to Grace

Am I beautiful?
What is beauty?

The makeup I pile on brings a mask to hide the truth, then I can fit the image desired.
dresses covered in frills and lace disguise any tarnished image.

Is this all necessary to see beauty?

Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder but they never explain who the beholder is...
...what it is?

Do I decide my own beauty?

Vogue portrays glitz and glam beyond my means.
Cover Girl digitally enhances models to push higher expectations on beauty...on me.

How can I fulfill the headlines claim of catching Mr. Right without the looks?

Forever21 is a superficial dream my midlife crisis will shatter.
Following the American Eagle may trap my beauty in an over-consumptive maze.

So please answer me without any coverup!

What is beauty?
Am I beautiful?


You are beautiful!

Beauty is not found in labels or ruffles or glitter.
Blush cannot hide ones heart.
The true beauty shines past all the costumes.
Your soul reveals what matters.
Your actions declare a gorgeous art.
Even the simplest clothes can overshadow a models selfish interior.

Beauty is what God gifted all women.
It is the way you smile at secrets.
It is the laughter bubbling over family meals.
It is the sparkle in your babies gaze.
It is a gentle hug of support from friends.

Beauty is found in rough hands from years of caring for others.
In wrinkles formed on many sunny day squints.
In layers of skin flexible enough to carry another body and shrink back.

Beauty is every women's tie to another.
For we all love after pain...live after loss...gain more strength after struggles.

You are beauty!
Embrace the beautiful!

11 August 2011

Cracked Moonlight

Moonlight glows around the dry cracked ground

Gazing through every gap and crevice available

Searching for any hidden secret that was thrown aside

05 May 2011

The Psychology Revenge

"So isn't it time to ask: Who will stop the cycle? If not us, who? If not you and I, who will it be?

Do not ask for whom the bell tolls.
It tolls for thee."

--John Donne

07 April 2011

My cousin Noah and his family need support!!!

PLEASE pray, send good vibes, hope for sunshine, wish for strength, give them wisdom…whatever you can do for them during this time that is so SO hard. I wish I was closer to MN so more support could be provided.
I love them all and am keeping them in my thoughts, heart, prayers, etc….today

31 March 2011

Routine Contradictions

French artist Marcel Duchamp once said that he forces himself to contradict himself so not to conform to his own taste. He noticed that most artists only repeat themselves yet was interested by the hidden tendencies within the individual, “the man as a man.” This tendency within people to submit in their routines is what brings complications to life; it disguises boredom under the facade of relaxing comfort. Routines remain within safe traditions for individuals to carefully follow. My personal contradictions are the only things which have remained stable throughout life.
Finding a balance between all my past beliefs, experiences, thoughts; who I was before pregnancy and the person I have become. Climbing out of a routine and discovering the woman as a woman who has survived all of these experiences. The woman who can share these experiences with others who may have no connection but possess their own stories of strength and suffering. The woman who can raise a strong, confident and aware daughter in a society overly commercialized by sexual images praising self-absorption. I am beginning to notice all the many differences in this woman and, really, not all of them are dreadfully boring! I am sure that my inevitable contradictions will keep life exciting and not allow for routines to sink in.

20 March 2011

Response to a post on Japan...link included with title

It is important to be concerned and aware of the events Japan and Libya (do not forget what is occurring in North Africa just because a new tragedy has appeared) because even if you do not follow the global community ideals, these situations impact your small town greatly. Anything connected to their economy will rise in price…GAS AGAIN…plus our west coast has already experienced harsher waves from the shaking earth near Japan. Japan was the most prepared for this situation and we can all see how awful things turned out, just imagine what would happen in the Seattle area.

Anyway, besides getting wrapped up in reasons why we should be interested…we must understand how businesses exploit the pain of people over there as well. Do you think the father crying over his daughter’s body was asked if his picture could be taken? Did the photographer attempt to console him or simply snap a photo and carry on to the next deadline? The media tries to show the most extreme stories to attract more readers/viewers just as businesses claim to donate 100% of sales to aid Japan. Who is holding them accountable to this? Are they simply clearing out new stock and gaining a “good citizen” status for the year?

Then you have to think of why you are REALLY interested. Is it because of the economic effects, geological effects, humanitarian aid, or personal involvement? Are you pained by the thought of another human suffering no matter who they are or where they are? I cannot help but share their pain in some way because I believe we are all connected as humans and should step up to aid no matter who it is for. This is an individual choice though and cannot be forced on others. If I was not tied up in a busy life in Portland, OR or had the money/chance to go personally aid Libya or Japan…I really would try because I believe that is the only way to really help any tragic situation. We cannot console each person who has lost a loved one by simply sending a check or sharing their story…Although, sharing their story may provide insight for the kind of aid required and sending a check may pay for some of the material damage. But the emotional damage will remain for years after American media has shot its last “prize winning photo” and beyond the last click for anyone trying to rant on facebook.

There are countries still suffering from pain of colonization hundreds of years ago that NGOs provide support for in the best way they can. There are people in this country still suffering from losing family members, curling up under bridges for shelter, or stealing water from a public pipe on the highway because that is all they know for survival. These people need NGOs as well. They need to feel the warmth of a global community surrounding them. Rants, posters, checks, news alerts, and business donations for sale days will not aid these people. They require a person showing up and asking what is needed for them to live another day with a little less pain then they had today. This can only happen when people step away from their own assumptions about how to help and TAKE ACTION!!! Nobody can begin to understand the pain of another unless they join them in support while trying to repair it.

18 March 2011

"I see the girl Joyce Glassman, twenty-two, with her hair hanging down below her shoulders, all in black like Masha in The Seagull—black stockings, black skirt, black sweater—but, unlike Masha, she’s not in mourning for her life. How could she have been, with her seat at the table in the exact center of the universe, that midnight place where so much is converging, the only place in America that’s alive? As a female, she’s not quite part of this convergence. A fact she ignores, sitting by in her excitement as the voices of the men, always the men, passionately rise and fall and their beer glasses collect and the smoke of their cigarettes rises toward the ceiling and the dead culture is surely being wakened. Merely being there, she tells herself, is enough."

From Minor Characters by Joyce Johnson

13 March 2011

thoughts on relocating

I finally realized...or atleast admitted to myself what I had been denying myself as a reason for attending Concordia. I had wanted to believe it was entirely sociological and geographical; all for the purpose of better understanding a subculture that I knew little about in an area new enough to keep me interested. This was true but not the main reason that I was drawn to such a small blip on the west coast...Interestingly enough this relocation was from an even smaller dot on the east coast that had provided a lovely community. I left this school that brought more positive connections that I could have ever thought possible for deeper causes. I could no longer be surrounded by all the artisitic support after my cool facade threatened cracking. My most painful reality was challenged each day with personal assignments to create, to dig deeper. I went instead to a place where my brother would have fit in perfectly.

09 March 2011

"There are no perfect men in this world. Only perfect intentions."

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

23 February 2011

Foggy Fantasies

The more time I spend on the west coast, the more my heart desires the east coast…Not simply in this “want what I don’t have” way which was the case when I was on the east coast and followed my cravings back to the west side. No, this is something stronger. There is a different pace to life on the other side of this vast nation that appeals to my soul. I cannot keep up with the trends, parties, cities so popular to the west anymore. I would much prefer the casual action that seems to remain so artistically persistent throughout the not-so-mundane daily tasks. There is a closer sense of unity, or at least interest in others, in which people seem satisfied with their weekend plans, not this heightened sense of trying to fill every day with a new excitement and meet new people. This trend of non-stop new friends is superficial and does not bring the ever-lasting comfort that a small close group of support can.

This picture pulls at my desires for apple orchards and lazy afternoons waltzing around them. I hope my cravings are not simply for somewhere else that seems fabulous because I am bored with this current place…that is a vicious cycle that can become numbing. Hopefully, the apple orchards are still as whimsical as I recall not barren and foggy after so many years.

14 February 2011

weekend in Gleneden Beach, OR

My body sat limp as the water surrounded every crevice
the foam tickled my fingertips as the rain splattered across every exposed surface
drops jumping in unison as if choreographed to to a violent ballad
waves pressed hard against my core
drowning out the soft flicks of raindrops
As the storm raged on my body sunk deeper
each breath further relaxed my tired limbs
finally escaping urban tensions had brought peace
my passion was renewed by this frantic weather

10 February 2011

Refocusing amidst transitions

one must begin to ponder present actions
stop living by the wind
seeming to plan for tomorrow yet when it comes
why halt without a breath
is it the shock of accomplishment
need for a next move
life isn’t a strategic battle
stop setting traps
while dodging possible blessings